终于忍不住看了色戒。出影院门的时候竟然喘不过气来，拿友人的话来说就是只想抽烟喝酒。洗澡的时候竟然在浴室里哭起来，不为自己，不为任何人。只是一种行为上的宣泄。太多的麻痹和漠然，出自无奈，出自被迫。瞬间的感触，换得的是得或失 ，又岂在对与错之间可以判断的呢？

Salute!

To my two months' anniversary

To the courage

To the hard times when tears in the heart but not eyes

 

I salute to the beautiufl memories 5 mins ago, and now it's Sept 4th, 2007, two months 1 day...

 

 

 

 

You're the colour,
you're the movement and the spin. (Never)
Could it stay with me the whole day long?
Fail with consequence, lose with eloquence
and smile.
I'm not in this movie
I'm not in this song.
Never
Leave me paralyzed, love.
Leave me hypnotized, love.

You're the colour,
you're the movement and the spin. (Never)
Could it stay with me the whole day long?
Fail with consequence, lose with eloquence
and smile.
You're not in this movie
You're not in this song.
Never

Leave me paralyzed, love.
Leave me hypnotized, love.
Leave me paralyzed, love.
Leave me hypnotized, love. 
 

August 8th, 2007...00.23am

 

It has been a month now. During the past one month, people keep asking me whether I am OK.  Every time, I always smile at them and say 'I am fine.'

 

If you have happened to watch the movie 'Elizaberthtown', it might remind you of what Drew tell people when he was screwed in the business and when his father died--I am fine.  Drew's fine is not real fine in the movie, it's just a way of ending furhter troublesome conversations. 

 

My 'fine' is not real fine either.

 

A warning sign,
I missed the good part then I realized,
I started looking and the bubble burst.
I started looking for excuses.

Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in,
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.

When the truth is,
I miss you.
Yeah the truth is,
That I miss you so.

A warning sign,
You came back to haunt me and I realized,
That you were an island and I passed you by,
You were an island to discover.

Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what state I'm in,
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.

When the truth is,
I miss you.
Yeah the truth is,
That I miss you so.

And I'm tired,
I should not have let you go.

So I crawl back into your open arms.
Yes, I crawl back into your open arms.
And I crawl back into your open arms.
Yes, I crawl back into your open arms...

我不想写什么。写什么都是徒劳。

生活还要继续，嘴还要张着等着饭吃。

也许所谓的出路到头来还是一条死路。

 

In love relationships, there is a fine line between pleasure and pain.  In fact, it’s a common belief that a relationship without pain is a relationship not worth having.  To some, pain implies growth, but how do we know when a growing pain stops and pain pains take over.  Are we masochists or optimists if we continue to walk that fine line?  When it comes to relationships, how do we know when enough is enough? 

2007年2月3日 10.45pm

 

很久没有一个人喝酒了。

 

吃完晚饭回到家，洗澡的时候突然难过得哭了起来，突然想到谢菁blog上关于爱情的故事，突然想到自己的爱情已经开始倒计时，眼泪就流了下来。。。

 

记得上次用vodka把自己灌醉还是两年多前的事，也是为了感情，两次把自己喝到肠子都要吐出来。后来发誓再也不这样喝了。但今天同样为了感情的事，同样喝着vodka兑橙汁。。。

 

我悟出一个道理，发誓不喝酒就像发誓再也不恋爱，或是发誓再也爱不上另一个一样，到头来，忍不住的诱惑，忍不住的再醉。。。

 

谢菁要我在她的blog上添些评论，感言爱情这档子事，而我最想说的，只想说的无非是爱情，没有让人伤感，如果有，如果是倒计时的爱情，那也伤感，而结果是一样的，是种淡淡的伤，浓浓的愁

 

Bill Evans有首曲子My foolish heart，想必正好 形容我现在的心情，my foolish heart, where should you go eventually? What if the journey is long? Would you still keep ahead without regret? Even if the end of the journey is no where?